The Wingman Chronicles

And no, this is not an April Fool’s joke.

The Geeks have pulled together two character wins (when you’re this old, the playoffs are short), and have earned themselves a bye before the finals.

For those students of history among you, the Geeks have won the Consolation championships twice – 1989-1990, and 1999-2000 – and the “Real Deal: championships twice – 1995-1996 and 1997-1998.   We are now in season 22 of the franchise.

Here is a team photo after the 1995-1996 championship.

In game 1, the Geeks managed a 4-2 victory in a physical affair.  Star of the game was clearly Alex the goalie, who has brought his play to another level for the playoffs.  Alex held the Geeks in early and often, and supprted the often used penalty-killing special team.  Alex has a habit of shouting in foreign languages while making spectacular saves (“Bakczehk!  bakczehk yu lasee baztaaards!“).  Whatever works for you Alex.

Scoring was distributed, with Woolley continuing his charge for the forty point glass ceiling – not seen since the 1992-1993 season when both Kevin Craine and Brian Vienneau (who, along with Ken Hoy, comprised ‘The Line’) both made it to 41 points.  Hoy reached a career high of 32 that same year.  This was the only time in Geek history we have even approached this marker.  Woolley has a chance to beat this if he can bring his attendance up.

However, he skipped the second game with an attack of the butterflys (like all prima donnas, he is somewhat fragile), and along with several other absences, the Geeks were left with a short bench to tackle the first place SPS Stars.

In a grim, focussed affair, Alex the goalie again kept the Geeks in the game through a scoreless first period.    John Croteau of the Geeks scored first, early in the second frame.  The Geeks then gave up their first goal just at the end of a penalty kill midway through the second period.   The Stars added another tally with just over two minutes left in the period, and we would enter the third down 2-1.

The Geeks roared out in the third period, and tied the score with a solo effort from Dave Maclachlan, and Ken Hoy of the “gout line” put the Geeks in front again with a Sydney Crosby like shot at the 6:29 mark.

As one would expect, the Geeks couldn’t protect the lead for six and a half minutes, and allowed the Stars to tie the game at 3, with four minutes and change on the clock.   Nothing was decided during the remaining regulation time, resulting in a four on four overtime period.  The Geeks spent the last minute and a half in penalty kill mode, and managed to survive.

On to the back to back shootout.  The first five shooters from each team went, with two goals from each team (Krumenacher and Maclachlan for the Geeks).  Then it went to sudden death – and in the tenth round, Alex the goalie slammed the door on the Stars, and Clint Krumenacher, in his second go around (everybody on the team shot at least once) scored to finish the Stars.

Well, at least for this game.  After the bye week, the Geeks will play either the SPS Stars – or Arnie’s Army – both of whom we have seen in the playoffs.  No doubt the final game will be a festive on, as we have all seen a lot of each other.

As to Woolley -well, nobody knows if he going to show up or not.  Hopefully his tummy tuck, or butterflys, or high colonic will have worked itself out by then.

Stay tuned.

The Old Geek Hockey Squad has had a strong season, even flirting with first place in the league for a time.

But, they are reverting to their old ways with only a single regular season game left to play. This past Thursday, the Geeks managed to play a scrappy game, but always having to make lost ground. Tied at th end of the first, The Geeks were down 3-2 at the end of period two, having given up a goal late in the period. But a breakdown early in the third left the Geeks behind 4-2, and looking like they had given up. Despite a classic Geek goal (this means the puck was jammed in with the entire Gut line within three feet of the goal line) to bring the score to 4-3, the Geeks were being outplayed.

However, last year’s rookie, Ryan Hoy, managed to pull himself together long enough to step up late in the third. He tied the score at 4 in just under six minutes left, fed on a beautiful pass from this seaon’s scoring leader, Geoff Woolley. This pair repeated with only 38 seconds left in the game, with virtually the same play leading to a goal that gave the Geeks their first lead in the game.

One would think the Geeks could hold it together for 38 seconds. But one would be wrong. Former hero Woolley became the goat by taking a penalty with 16 seconds left. The subsequent faceoff deep in Geek territory, with the opposing net empty, led to a mad scramble to clear the zone. The puck was cleared but turned over, leading to a final odd-man rush – and a goal with only 0.5 seconds left on the clock.

The Geeks will take the point, but it should have been two. They will need to get it together if they hope to extend their season.

The Old Geeks seem to have once again managed to sink to their own skill level within the True North hockey league.

A four-four tie after the first win of the season seems to have relegated both the Geeks and their would-be opponents to a more competitive level.  This of course means, a lower level.

After being dropped a division, the Geeks won their first game in the new division 5-1.  However, there is some question as to whether the move in divisions is really responsible for the sudden turnaround.  The win was achieved with a venerable rent-a-goalie, which brings the whole win-loss-tie thing into doubt.

A detailed analysis of the Geek Lifetime statistics revealed that in fact ALL of the games the Geeks have won in the last twenty-one years have been with the benefit of a rent-a-goalie.  The careful record-keeping for which the Geeks are known has revealed An Inconvenient Truth – if the Geeks want to win, the Geeks have to pay.    And the price has gone up.  In these times of economic hardship, the going rate for a Rent-A-Goalie has gone from $30 to $50 a game.  Truly a recession proof commodity – but is it one that the Geeks can afford?

Although there is faint hope that Alex, recently promoted from backup to number one goaltender, may change this trend, there is concern that he is more interested in staring out his office window than backstopping the Geeks.  Then again, who can blame him….

The pep talk that turned the team around.

So, let me get this right.

• We are 0 and 4;
• We have given up twenty-six goals in four games;
• The team we’re playing tomorrow is in fifth place – but has scored 17 goals, won two games, and will likely kick the crap out of us;
• Woolley has been in on *every one* of our goals (!???!!) (all six of them);

These are dark days indeed…. We can only look forward to playing the Nighthawks, who are also 0-4, have also scored six (they seem to share the points), but have only given up 22 goals – better bring your “A” game Alex!! And they have close to twice as many penalty minutes as we do, so if they don’t beat us on the ice, they will beat us in the alley…..

Yikes. I think that at this point we should consider that the Coach/GM has the career life expectancy of Stephan Dion.

(Alex, maybe there is some relationship between our performance and that of the global markets).

This led to a 6-3 win against the Nighthawks (who were missing their leading scorer), and subsequent reassessment of whether or not we should be moved down a division in the league.

A follow-on message providing our Coach/GM with some guidance:

[As said (more or less) by] Sun Tzu ….. when your enemy is of superior strength……Evade Him – Translation – Relegate the Geeks to the next division …. Down. ;+ )

Nuff said. We’ll see where we end up.

The Old Geeks have started their twenty-second season, and it could be one for the record books.

And not in the good way.

Despite finishing on an up-note, and one of the most successful training camps (photos here) in recent memory, the Geeks have lost three in row (6-1, 7-0, 8-3 – yikes) to start off season number twenty-two of Geek Hockey. This brings back memories of the Geeks worst start ever, a nine game debacle that almost led to the folding of the team.  Fortunately the temperature of the beer remained consistent as the team record plummeted, and the Geeks struggled through the dark days.

Although it is early in the season, the usual calls for the coach’s head have begun to be heard.

However, Woolley (right) seems immune to the abuse, and clearly has a new strategy this season.  He has decided to rebuild the team, and is not wasting any time. He is currently, uh, ‘between gigs’, career-wise, and has a lot of free time on his hands.

The pieces of the puzzle aren’t hard to put together:

• First, Woolley has replaced the Geek goalie of twenty-some seasons.  Although Higgins had been with the Geeks since the beginning, he is not officially a charter member, having taken a year off to ‘find himself’.   Given his subsequent goaltending performance, it seems that the search was unsuccessful.  In any event, Higgins has retired, and we now have added Alex to the Old Geek Cannon Fodder division.  Alex is refreshingly upbeat, but we will soon break his spirit, as we have with other goalies.
• Woolley has brought in a second rookie, putting the old fat guys on notice; Clint (not his real name) can rush end to end, and miss the net, just as well as some of the other Geeks, so he shows promise.  He gets the same results, only faster.
• Woolley has hired fans.  Along with the rookies, apparently as a package deal, we get fans.  This past Thursday, we played in a 5,000 seat arena (the Spectator rink at the Powerade Centre in Brampton), and were amazed to have two female fans – they even had signs!!

Although Wooley’s retooling is still in it’s infancy, he has BIG plans (well, so he says). So we will carefully watch future developments as the season proceeds.

We are heading towards the umpteenth annual Old Geek Training Camp. For those who keep score, we have lots of information about last year’s camp.

For those who want to really be prepared, have a look at the training camp roundup.

The Geeks had a good season this year (arguably the best start in many years), with a predictable collapse during the playoffs. “The more things change”, as they say.

A reminder – training camp is scheduled for May 23rd through May 25th, so you had better start your dry-land training now!! We are convening in the usual location – Collingwood, with two of the local golf courses being subjected to our dedicated practice.

It is clear that relative rookie Dave Maclachan has learned a fair bit this year, managing to collect five points in a single game during the run-up to the playoffs. Even more remarkable than this, is the fact that the scoresheet documenting the five point game is (mostly) untouched. Dave asked specifically for a framed gamesheet, and here it is.

One thing that Dave seems to have missed is that the Geeks lost 6-5. He also had a penalty – but no fight – so missed out on the proverbial Gordie Howe hat-trick.

By the way, I’m having a little trouble finding the Leafs on TV….

The twenty-first season of Geek Hockey came to a close a couple of weeks ago, with a 4-0 Win that didn’t matter in the least.

The Geeks managed to lose their first game of the playoffs, and given the bizarre nature of the three-team play-down, the Geeks found themselves in a situation where it didn’t matter what they did in this game. Since the Geeks had a bucketload of penalty minutes this year, their goose was cooked – penalty minutes were the first tie-breaker.

So, as is usually the case, the Geeks played stellar hockey when it didn’t matter a damn bit.

The game had some interesting sub-plots. Croteau decided to put on a bit of show with some Montreal Canadien-style razzle-dazzle (which, as I write, the Habs could use a bit of – down 4-3 at the end of the second in game five – UPDATE – they are toast – maybe next year).

The Geeks had the special teams working this night as well, scoring shorthanded, and on the power play. On top of this, the Geeks were relentless in their forechecking, their historical strength.  Notice I didn’t mention backchecking in that sentence.

The rookies clearly still need some seasoning – Ryan Hoy blocked a shot, with a four-nothing lead, and with under two minutes to go, when nothing mattered. Well, someday he’ll learn. Higgins even played the puck – causing some nausea among his teammates, but he managed to do it successfully nonetheless.

Steve Macleod had a bit of attitude this game, earning himself two penalties. But he was cool as a cucumber while a wild-eyed Marchand yelled at him to “Just shoot it back in!!” while Steve calmly waited for some laggard (probably Butch) to clear the zone.

As is often the case, the post-game activity was as interesting as the in-game play. Don Higgins was quick to note that he is now ahead of such veterans as Tom Finan and Scott Wilke (of ‘The Line’) in lifetime points.

There are some clear contenders for a spot on the Gut Line as well. Although gross weight (tonnage) has been the usual measure, we now have Croteau in hot pursuit based on Molson Export consumption (which can also help in the gross weight department), and Erik Parnoja trying out based on net worth.  We’ll keep you up to date on developments on the former first line.

One final concern. Woolley now seems to have a WHOLE lot of spare time on his hands due to a, uh, reorg at his former place of employment.  This could be good (Woolley spends a lot of time getting back into shape) or bad (Woolley spends a whole lot of time trying to micromanage the Geeks).  The jury remains out….

The Nobleking Knights took their show on the road this past weekend, visiting London Ontario for the LMHA Thunder House League Tournament.

The activities included swimming (well, splashing), team dinners, mini-sticks hockey, a visit to the London Food and Wine show, and a number of late nights. The outcome was not perfect – three losses – but a good time was certainly had by all!

After a feeble effort resulted in a tie on the big ice last week, the Geeks showed up this week looking for a strong game, hoping to get the season back on track prior to the Christmas break. The fact that there were no pucks for the warmup was an early indicator that this might be a challenge.

The Geeks got off to a slow start, scoring at the 5:37 mark of the first, with Alber dancing (that may be a stretch) out from behind the net and finishing with a shot that almost neutered Marchand. It was a brief lead, as only twenty seconds later, the Geeks coughed up a goal. Just more than thirty seconds later, “Boomer” Macleod struck back with a blistering drive from the point that beat the goalie on its third bounce. After this brief outburst of scoring, the first period was over (thankfully).

There was no scoring in the second period until just over a minute remained – when “Boomer” was the architect of the Geek breakout goal, feeding Cardwell at the top of the crease for a tap-in. We are fortunate to have the video replay.

“The Kid” got back on track with a goal just before the end of the period, leaving the score at 4-1 entering the second intermission.

The only excitement early in the third came when Woolley chose to begin pursuit of the penalty minute title. When he broke his whizzy composite stick, he tossed the end over the boards – and received a ten minute misconduct for his troubles. This was perhaps the high point of the game – ten minutes without Woolley on the bench.

The Geeks added their fifth goal when Marchand converted a short-handed breakaway while Juri “The Hook” Parnoja was residing in the penalty box. Cardwell craftily turned the clearing attempt into an assist on the goal. Dave Maclachlan added the sixth goal some forty seconds later, and, at 6-1, things looked like they were well in hand.

And if you believe that, you haven’t seen the Geeks play.

At the 3:16 mark of the third, the Geeks gave up a goal, starting what would become a trend. The same line (who shall remain nameless) gave up a second goal only nine seconds later, followed by a shout from the bench – “If you give up another one, you have to come off!!”. And, sportsmen that they were, they did indeed come off after giving up another goal some fifty-five seconds later.

The second line then joined the fray, allowing another goal, only eighteen seconds later – four goals in two and a half minutes. This is a Geek record (well, we didn’t actually check, and it would probably be close, but hopefully it is a record).

So with just over two minutes left, the Geeks were still leading, but it was becoming precarious. After a wild frenzy with the opposing net empty, including the newly freed Woolley backhanding a clearing attempt into a rushing player who then nearly scored, the Geeks finally locked it up with an empty net goal. Herbie, with his head up for the first time in the game, rifled the puck along the goal line into the net with four seconds left. There were some who mistook the shot for his first pass of the game, but after discussion, this was clarified.

It is still out there.

You have to look, but it can be found.

We are, of course, referring to the little-known variant of middle-aged mens’ hockey known as ‘Geek Hockey‘:

• The kind of hockey where someone will try to stickhandle through the whole team.
• The kind of hockey where you can score on your own net with wild abandon.
• The kind of hockey where backchecking is a myth, and is largely done by accident.

In short, the kind of hockey where defeat can be snatched from the jaws of victory.

The Geeks have a history of this behavior, and it still comes back once and a while to haunt them. Tonight was a great example.

It all started when (shades of Bryan McCabe) Mike Cardwell bounced the puck into his own net, off the forechecking opponent. When the referee showed up to dig the puck out of the net, Higgins, the ever-aware goalie, looked surprised that it was in there. This put the Geeks into a 1-0 hole early in the first.
Despite this doubtful beginning, the Geeks managed to rebound to tie the score – and then to gradually build up a 4-1 lead with eleven minutes left in the third period. The third turned out to be the most festive period by a large margin. This was due in no small part to the mouthiness of a few of the members on the opposing team.

This led to a flashback to earlier days, when, after getting the green light from Kevin Craine, Alber decided to dispense a little frontier justice on the ice. He earned four minutes in the box for his sins, giving the Geeks a chance to show their special-teams expertise. This allowed Higgins to stand tall a few times, including a save after a McCabe-like giveaway by Kevin Craine. Seeing the trend here?

Going the other way, Craine sprung Marchand for a long breakaway, during which the defender caught Marchand (big surprise) and dragged him down. In the subsequent penalty shot, Marchand claimed to be going five-hole, and that only the lightning fast reflexes of the goaltender prevented the goal, glory for the team, and a late, but lucrative call-up to the NHL. Most other observers noted that Marchand shot the puck right at the goalie, who had no need to move in order to make the save. At the next faceoff, the opposing winger asked Marchand if ‘that was his first penalty shot’. Hmm.

In other news – Ken Hoy (pictured) made the game, but was missing his equipment – with The Kid being stuck in traffic. Hoy Junior clearly misunderstood the team directive to ‘get rid of the old bag’, keeping the equipment away from the game, rather than the owner.